Having often reflected upon my own sense of Britishness I must confess that I am still wholly confused as to why, on the one hand, we appear to have had such an influence on the rest of the world yet, on the other, have ─ in my humble opinion ─ excruciatingly maintained a set of values that hark back to the Victorian era; let me qualify this observation.
The English language is the global dialect of business with 1.75 billion people able to speak it to a useful level, according to the Harvard Business Review. That’s nearly a quarter of the world’s population. In our infamous history we have occupied umpteen countries, and at its height the British Empire was the biggest territory ever, stretching across a tad under twenty-five percent of the earth’s total landmass. So, one could deduce that our Indigenous population would be pretty cosmopolitan and broad minded towards all manner of cultural curiosities and ways of life, especially those of a sexual nature. But I hate to disappoint those of you originating outside of these peculiar isles by categorically affirming that we aren’t! We still haven’t figured out a chilled attitude towards sex, even though some would argue that during our colonial days we fucked many nations over, and as I write we are doing the same to ourselves as we negotiate a regressive regime of marginalising ourselves from our near neighbours.
The Victorian era is blamed for much of this warped mindset, although to be fair to Queen Victoria she often wrote saucy lines in her personal journal about her husband Prince Albert, whose name has become immortalised as a penis piercing. During her reign, gynaecologist Dr William Acton ─ in his 1857 bestseller, “The Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive Organs” ─ proclaimed “the majority of women (happily for them) are not very much troubled by sexual feelings of any kind,” probably representing the general flawed attitude of the time to our natural sexual urges and desires.
Many of us Brits have found it difficult to break these chains of sexual subjugation, although our humour continues to mock our unease at any sexual activity that requires the light to be left on or have more than two adults in the same room. We remain the outright champions of vulgar talk where our reproductive organs and those that are only bared within the confines of the loo provide a tapestry of mirth and inuendo. I challenge any nation to construct a funnier fart, fanny, or fuck joke than us!
It is therefore my duty to push the boundaries for all inhabitants of the United Kingdom in order that we can enjoy the sunlit uplands of erotica (and for my British readers this isn’t a town in Essex). And what better companion to join me on this campaign than award-winning international dominatrix Eva Oh.
However, it wouldn’t be British to jump straight in without an introduction, from the safety of my lectern, and without acknowledging my own position on the continuum of carnal activity. In a nutshell, the British scale commences at “behave!” to “are you sure no one can hear us?” to vanilla, then often into territory we can only ever fantasise about. Personally, I guess I am Viscount Vanilla with a little extra topping; also, I don’t like the cold or pain.
My guest Eva Oh, also known as ‘Mistress Eva,’ is an international professional and lifestyle dominatrix. She is the winner of the ‘Sex Worker of the Year’ Sexual Freedom Award and the face of the 2022 German Fetish Ball. Eva’s professional career has also spanned the industries of strategic development, ethnographic research, sustainable design, social work, production, and performance art.
Eva, please tell me a little about your early life, since I am guessing it’s unlikely that becoming an international dominatrix was a career choice at school?
A glorious smile immediately erupted across Eva’s face. What had I said that was so funny? But it wasn’t any of my doing – more of a cathartic release from my charming plus one. “How wonderful it would be if schools were more versed in speaking about sexuality!” I couldn’t argue with that, although following my crayon eating days in primary school, my sex education lessons in the more grown-up world of junior education were, as I recall, littered with sniggers and swathes of juvenile awkwardness.
“I grew up across Asia, Australia, and Europe. I think all that change widened my mind to possibility, which landed me in many industries until I found the one that currently sticks ─ sex work in professional domination and fetish. It’s been with me the longest ─ over a decade now ─ whilst other choices have entertained me for shorter periods of time.” Perhaps Eva had unwittingly identified a source of the British discomfort with pleasures of the flesh in that our island mentality, enhanced by our visions of yesteryear grandeur on the global stage, had conditioned us to the order of things rather than to experimentation. Certainly, Eva’s upbringing had been instrumental. As for me, I had only left my place of birth, aged eighteen, when Julie and I travelled to Austria by frigging bus. How typically British was that? Mayrhofen was where the boy became a man. As for kink, I think Julie allowed me to kiss her below the neckline, although to be fair it was all a bit of a blur. The cup of tea afterwards was very refreshing.
What was the trigger point that propelled you towards your ultimate destiny?
“I was frustrated with strategic consulting for Fortune 500 companies who were more concerned with manipulating the masses for profit than taking wellbeing into account. I used to do contract-based jobs and thankfully that naïve realisation didn’t have time to set in. When the probation period at my first permanent position cropped up, I realised that a definite change was needed.”
Blimey I recall being frustrated in my first job, but I only ever summoned the courage to ask Mr Purdy for a new office chair. I pushed Eva further.
“That’s when the suggestion of a previous partner cropped up. He jokingly mentioned that my assertive communication style would be of benefit to becoming a dominatrix. I Googled it and now here I am.”
Eva’s swift pragmatism reminded me of one of my earliest journeys into the land of Google; I got more than I bargained for when searching “Egyptian mummies,” whilst supporting my daughter with a school project. Having said that, Farida from Cairo was a stunner.
What skill set did you have to demonstrate to achieve the status of ‘Sex Worker of the Year’?
“I’m not exactly sure what guidelines the jury of Sexual Freedom Awards abides by for this specific category.” However, Eva did signpost me to the awards procedure page which, amongst other regulations, proclaimed that friends of nominees would have to pay the full ticket price, with one important concession – “The only exception to this are finalists in the Striptease categories, who are entitled bring a friend to the Ceremony for free to help them dress.”
Eva added, “But looking at previous winners it seems that there is a commonality of empathy, self-determination and innovation.”
The German fetish ball sounds intriguing – what goes on and can I get a press pass for next year’s event?
Eva explained, “The German Fetish Ball is an international coming together of the world’s fetishists. I would say that it’s a latex heavy crowd and I always adore seeing what people are wearing across the course of the week’s parties, gatherings, and convention. There is a play heavy evening at Kit Kat during the week, but it is mostly a chance for international kink professionals and regional enthusiasts to dance, laugh and descend upon Berlin.”
It all sounded very jovial and if there was a buffet I was definitely interested. Eva picked up on my obvious enthusiasm and candidly said, “Email them for your pass!” With Eva now on my contact list I guess the opportunity is just a click away.
What does a dominatrix offer and are there limits?
Eva, ever matter of fact, explained, “A dominatrix offers a service for a set period of time that indulges the client in fetish and kink play and fantasy. The dominatrix creates an experience, and each will have their own set of limits that could include the refusal of specific services that they won’t be interested in offering.” As an educationalist I concluded it was very much like an adult learning contract based on needs, fears, and expectations. Remember that I’m not up for the cold or pain. Other than that, I would even be prepared to take my socks off.
I was in Sydney three years ago but didn’t come across Salon Kitty. Please tell me more about this centre of excellence.
“Salon Kitty’s had been around for decades, but I was a part of the final generation. They closed about two years into my career, which was sad but what the owners were looking for ─ and a good propulsion for my independence.”
“From memory, Salon Kitty’s had two separate locations. They started in King’s Cross and moved to Redfern, Sydney under different management. When I was there, Head Mistress Amanda was in charge. There were multiple rooms with different themes to service different scenarios that included a massive red dungeon, a smaller colder brass dungeon, a pink sissy bedroom, a mirrored cross-dressing room, and more. It was home to so many legendary Mistresses who still work independently today. Being around them was an honour and taught me so much.”
For obvious reasons I wouldn’t be checking out any brass dungeons in the near future.
Do you offer your services to both sexes and, if so, generally who are the most adventurous?
The inclusiveness was reassuring, “All genders are welcome, and the adventure lies in the openness and curiosity of the individual’s personality. It’s not possible to exactly determine what swims in people’s depths upon initial sight.” Now there was an intriguing prospect – how deep is my sexual curiosity? And maybe having an experienced guide would be of immense practical benefit. The thought of plumbing the depths of my own fantasies was an uplifting experience in more ways than one.
What’s the strangest request you have ever had – and did you agree to it?
My obvious desire f vicarious titillation was parried by Eva who wasn’t in the mood for offering up a cheap thrill. Ever the consummate professional she replied, “When it comes to specific kinks, I don’t find anything strange. I do find it most puzzling and rather unfortunate when people run from their desires.” And who – other than a repressed soul – could argue with that statement?
Since I am British with decades of sexual repression ingrained within my DNA what would you offer me as an entry level session?
“I enjoy seeing how people react to me during the initial approach ─ it tells me the most about where they may like to explore ─ or of what they are afraid. My personality is more self-assured and assertive. Often, it’s more than most people come across ─ so meeting me usually opens up a lot. That said, when I do indulge those new to kink, I may simply take them into some light bondage and tease-edged torture as I talk about their reasons for being in front of me.”
This narrative was extremely comforting, but where I’m concerned nipple clamps need to be warmed first.
In your opinion which nations have the healthiest attitudes towards your sexual expressions?
Eva’s disclosure came as a complete surprise, “I actually have the most fun playing with my community in London. I understand that it is not an indicator of the average ─ but their raging debauchery is what I enjoy most.” It made me feel immensely proud that there are some decadent Brits in the midst of the mundane. My glorious guest continued to gush, “In terms of healthily speaking about sexuality and giving themselves time to explore their own, I might say that some cities in Northern Europe may rank higher ─ but overall I still feel that there is a long way to go.”
And conversely, which are more inhibited?
“I feel most restricted overall in Asia, Africa, and the Middle East; also, as a dominant woman in southern Europe and South America.”
During your monthly Instagram live chats, you have covered some varied terrain including BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism) and religion. Could you tell me more about this particular conversation?
Eva adopted a more reflective mood, “This conversation has definitely evolved since that original question and answer session, but essentially there could be some parallels drawn from both.”
“Considering why people are drawn to religion or BDSM, be it by direction, community, or purpose and how they gain from it ─ be it ritual, sacrifice, aesthetic, iconography ─ and the rules that it creates. It’s not a small conversation! But it’s a fun one to indulge in. People seek similar purpose ─ feelings of safety and belonging, no matter the object of focus.” Eva paused for a moment before concluding, “And the rituals and iconography of both religion and BDSM have a lot to show us about how to inject meaning into our life experiences. Different yet similar.” I found myself nodding, although not quite grasping why, since both spheres seemed light years apart.
You created the world’s first BDSM slave training platform – how does this work?
“youwillpleaseme.com is my online play space where submissives can learn how I enjoy being served through online courses involving daily tasks. It’s quite simple and anyone can sign up, anytime, anywhere, and engage with me. They get to learn about me and how I practice BDSM, and in turn they will learn about their own submission, whilst indulging in play and getting closer to me following each task.”
Your first film ‘Grief Encounter’ premiered on Erika Lust’s XConfessions channel in 2022. Tell me a little about the plot (without giving the game away) and when can I audition for the sequel?
“I regularly spoke with writer Kitty Drake over three years and ‘Grief Encounter’ is what emerged. It is a film about sex, death, and grief where my character has discovered that she enjoys relishing in the toying of men experiencing grief. She moves from funeral to funeral discovering her prey and lures them back.” This production sounded dark, although the only way to judge was to watch it. Eva added, “You may email the wondrous director Ellen Pearson for an audition.”
In terms of sexual education, if you could have one wish granted what would it be?
“That everyone in the world receives it, starting with the understanding that they have sexuality and that it is individual, not static, and belongs in a consensual conversation. I think that if things were so openly on the table for everyone, we could have a constructive dialogue that would be more beneficial than repression.” And who could argue with that wonderful logic?
As I brought things to a close I reflected upon my own inhibitions, born out of the nudge nudge, wink wink culture that my British upbringing had forced upon me, and I wondered how different things may have been if the exploration of all things intimate, stimulating, and pleasurable had mirrored my natural ability to moan – a compulsory trait in this corner of the world. The complete yin and yang. As superstar rocker Robbie Williams – born and bred in Stoke on Trent, England ─ wisely said, “The thing about drugs and sex is that you lose all your inhibitions. I’ve had sex in trains, planes, wine bars… and quite a few car parks!” Although I can claim two of those outcomes, why would the others necessarily have to be sparked by the use of narcotics? I envied Eva, yet instinctively knew that the key to the hitherto darker side was now only a call away.
All photographs reproduced with the kind permission of Eva Oh.
© Ian Kirke 2022
@ianjkirke