The world according to Kirkey
In a previous life I was a cop. Much has changed since then. If I’m being kind to myself, I can still recognise the old law-and-order version of me staring back from the mirror. Admittedly there are a few more lines around the eyes, a few extra pounds around the waist and one rather obvious … Read more
The boy who joined a blue line in flux I joined the police in October 1982, just as the ground beneath it was shifting. The Brixton riots of ’81 had detonated a shockwave that forced the service to confront its own philosophy. Training was dragged – sometimes kicking – away from rote-learning legal definitions and … Read more
A few years back I went to Dublin with my son. I’d never been to the fair city before, but its emerald embrace had long held me captive. My late wife’s ancestry was rooted in the island of Ireland, and although I knew much of our trip would revolve around the consumption of Guinness, I … Read more
I have a mate who adores beer. Not necessarily drinking beer, you understand, but the concept of beer. Their favourite phrase is, “We must go for a beer.” Not “shall we go for a beer next Thursday?” or “I’ll book somewhere”. No, their version exists in a magical dimension somewhere between a promise and a … Read more
Football is, for me at least, a metaphor for life. I’ve spent time in the National League of existence, trudging through those dark, grey afternoons when every result seemed to go against me and the table didn’t make pleasant reading. We’ve all been there. Looking over our shoulder rather than ahead of us. Wondering where … Read more
The essence of genuine football support is not happiness but fluctuation. A proper fan moves endlessly between irrational optimism and profound depression, often within the same ninety minutes (plus additional time). “Fucking Hell” becomes the central philosophical principle, equally applicable to moments of brilliance and disaster. In this way, football teaches life’s deepest lesson: expectation … Read more
Footballing heritage can be divisive, disruptive, even damning. It can split loyalties, ignite arguments, and turn social gatherings into tactical debriefs. Yet every so often — on those rare, magical occasions — something deeper rises to the surface. A single strand that blurs tribal lines and reminds us why this sport continues to hold its … Read more
Having examined worry once before a couple of exhibits from my past catastrophising surfaced to worry me some more … I’ve always been a worrier. A proper, Olympic level fretter. I can remember moments in my youth when I worried because I didn’t have anything to worry about — a sort of anxiety vacuum that … Read more
There’s a moment—right after I’ve signed the paperwork, shaken hands with a man called Gareth who smells faintly of dealership coffee, and slid into the cockpit of my brand new pride and joy—where I genuinely believe I’ve cracked life. The cabin is immaculate. The plastics are unmolested. The carpets are virginal. The smell is so … Read more
I’m generally in a permanent state of bewilderment. On one hand, I’m a member of the human race; on the other, I often don’t quite understand what that membership means, or even whether I’m happy to be a card-carrying participant. If this preamble sounds like nonsense, bear with me – it’s the primary theme of … Read more