What should we talk about today?
The world according to Kirkey
Somewhere in the foggy labyrinth of my cultural upbringing — probably wedged between “don’t make a fuss” and “queue nicely” — I learnt the peculiar art of apologising for being the victim. Toe trodden on? Someone sloshes beer down my shirt? Shopping trolley shunted into my spine with the force of a minor earthquake? The … Read more
I’ve been called many things over the years: Son. Husband. Father. Police officer. Twat. And a fair few other titles – some official, some considerably less flattering. But without question, the finest label ever pinned to my slightly frayed lapel is this: Grandad. If you’re fortunate enough to have children, and then lucky enough for … Read more
If I trace my understanding of human intimacy back to its humble beginnings, the trail leads not to a candlelit room or a romantic film moment, but to Mayrhofen, Austria, where a younger version of me – earnest, optimistic, and equipped with the emotional intelligence of a startled pigeon – first attempted to navigate the … Read more
It started, as these things often do, with a throwaway comment delivered by someone who clearly thought they were being sensible. “Why do you bother with Notts County?” they asked, with that faint smirk people reserve for hobbies – or in my case my calling – they don’t understand. “It’s just 22 men running around, … Read more
The last leg of my walk was a greatest hits album of Bracknell absurdity: burglars with bin bags, missing false teeth, Harry Potter film sets, and a showdown with a bloke known as “Half a Thumb.” But tucked between the madness were the moments that mattered — the ones that stitched my life together. One … Read more
Why do people queue for political ghost rides that feed them fear instead of truth? This piece digs into the psychology of resentment dressed as “concern”, the friendships strained by it, and the moment you decide to step off the ride and back into daylight. A mate told me the other day they were spending … Read more
If Part One was the warm up lap, this is where the memories start sprinting. Bracknell in the 80s wasn’t just a place — it was a full contact sport. Robberies, dodgy motors, youth clubs, blasting The Specials, and me trying to look competent in a Vauxhall Chevette that handled like a shopping trolley with … Read more
Some towns never really let you go. Bracknell is one of mine. I left it, returned to it, loved in it, worked in it, and lost in it. I went for a stroll around Bracknell then like a budget Forrest Gump I kept on going – well at least for 9 miles. What propelled me … Read more
In my later years I’ve become a seasoned crier – not just at football, but in the full, messy, human sprawl of life. Films, family moments, unexpected kindness, the odd existential wobble… they can all set me off. Sure, I’ve shed a tear or two at matches over the years, but I’m not the sort … Read more
There’s a particular kind of moral contortionism doing laps on my social media feed — a sort of ideological Pilates where people bend themselves into shapes the human spine was never designed for. Anything, it seems, to avoid confronting the central, unavoidable truth: That Nigel Farage’s rhetoric preceded — and in my view helped inflame … Read more