Happiness: where are you hiding?

I am fortunate beyond words to have Arthur (5), Darcie (3), and Theo (11-months) in my life. Just thinking about them sends a tingle down my spine. Although they can all – to varying degrees – exhibit classic temper tantrums, usually over seemingly mundane issues such as being unable to eat a packet of sweets before dinner, they nonetheless radiate the most incredible, tangible, and touching examples of happiness. Facially, the signs are unmistakable, audibly too, but more than anything there is an energy that pulsates like the most precious gemstone catching the sunlight. This infant kryptonite is nuclear powered by the innocence that will, alas, begin to erode as they navigate life. The principal slayers of naivety are education and the often-abrupt introductions to the brutality of life where, amongst other things, we discover that those we love aren’t immortal.

This analysis leads me to an inescapable question: what, exactly, is happiness? Framed within an adult perspective, how do I know if I am truly happy? I can think of many occasions when I was unhappy, and moving up the continuum, content. There have been periods where I have been emotionally spent, but I confess that I am struggling to define what happiness truly is, especially when I can easily gauge it within my little chums. Is it simply a state of mind, or is there a physical construct to it all? Is it all about perspective? Or is there a much simpler explanation? Playing Monopoly with hotels on both Mayfair and Park Lane whilst holding all the green and yellow properties takes some beating; or is this more a case of being smug and feeling elevated due to the adverse position of those around you? Right wing politics unashamedly mines division where the adage, “there is always someone worse off than you,” is crucial to the disruptive discord. It may be easy to define this emotion within a literal sense, but how the hell do I know that I have achieved this special level of existence – even if I accept that it may only be a temporary state of affairs?

Research into this field of human emotion yields some useful insights, although a definite source of happiness is perhaps as elusive as ever. Martin Seligman’s research concluded that there were in fact five key elements: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. A Harvard Study of Adult Development tracked the lives of 724 men for over 75 years and concluded that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. These ties are more likely to protect people from life’s discontent, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. The World Happiness Report published by the United Nations, ranks cities based on their levels of happiness by considering various factors, including economic, social, and health-related determinants of happiness. At present the happiest place is Helsinki (Finland). London is ranked 36th. Some of the most dismal places to live are Gaza (Palestine), Sanaa (Yemen) and Kabul (Afghanistan).

But one theory in particular resonated with me. Proposed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, his theory suggests that people are happiest when they are in a state of “flow”— a mental status of complete immersion and involvement in an activity. He suggested that this often happens when individuals are doing something they enjoy and are good at, which provides a sense of fulfilment and intrinsic motivation. For me, being with the famous trio and following Notts County are prominent examples of my “flow,” where I can generally escape the triggering factors that upset and disorientate me. Not a permanent state, but I suppose to appreciate anything positive you need to have felt the polar opposite.

Delving deeper into the science of joy, I was curious to establish what strategies could be harnessed to stack the odds more favourably within the cheerful camp. Unsurprisingly a healthy lifestyle figured prominently, with diet and some physical activity topping the bill; but I was surprised at some of the other golden nuggets.

Mindfulness techniques, including meditation, help to focus our thoughts and reduce stress. This can lead to greater emotional regulation and overall well-being. But strong social connections are key factors too in achieving happiness. Spending time with family and friends, building new relationships, and nurturing existing ones and helping out, even when assistance is not readily apparent, can increase happiness by fostering a sense of purpose and connection with others.

Keeping a gratitude journal and regularly noting down things you’re thankful for can boost your mood and overall sense of well-being. I write about things that puzzle, surprise and, at times, overwhelm me, and I confess that this activity does make me happy! Being kind to yourself and acknowledging your imperfections without harsh self-judgment can improve your emotional resilience and satisfaction. Maybe I need to tone down the self-deprecating posts on social media! And whilst on that subject, a study entitled “The Facebook Experiment” led to the submission that quitting Facebook leads to higher levels of well-being as it regulates the exposure to negative news. I have taken periodic rests from this particular platform, albeit maybe I need to be more cognisant of the need to take longer holidays from social media – perhaps in the close season!

In search of additional evidence to complete my understanding of happiness I nevertheless used Facebook to ask my friends to sum up how they know when they are happy? The answers were a little sketchy, epitomised by Gary who simply said, “waking up in the morning.” Maybe my opening statement needed some refining, albeit Marie provided a more detailed analysis: “I forget about problems, the things and people causing them, and am truly in the moment. Pure joy brings a feeling of warmth and contentment and should be treasured. For me it’s principally found in spending time with the most important people in my life, whatever we do and wherever we are.”

Happiness, I suspect, is in the heart of the beholder; there have been a few luminaries who have sought to crystalise this fluid concept. As the Dalai Lama concluded, “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” Although Aristotle observed, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

But whatever the notion of happiness truly is, I will in the meantime favour just going with the flow!

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