The former Prime Minister David Cameron’s willingness to respond ‘positively’ to requests for evidence in the Greensill scandal reminds me of the famous Richard Nixon quote, “There can be no whitewash at the White House” in his first Watergate speech in 1973. Those of a certain age will know how that poorly scripted contrition ended. Although I have a feeling that Cameron, along with the current whiff around Health Secretary Matt Hancock, will simply benefit from the contemporary use of lashings of lime and water to obliterate any meaningful review. How do I reach this rather depressing conclusion? Well meet me at Robert Jenrick’s (Housing Secretary) usual table at the London Savoy and I will spill the beans.
By no means is this pong reserved exclusively for our present serving political class as I pointed out in my piece on being shafted. This type of behaviour has been going on for eons. Even so, when those in power pull a fast one, I am minded to conclude that they deserve even more punishment, yet with power often comes wealth and the latter can employ the best legal brains to script the requisite get out of jail free card. Although to be fair there are some juicy exceptions. Just ask Lord Archer for a reference.
Outside of legal remedies, what else can be done to bring powerful shysters to account? Lord Pickles has already alluded, in relation to the Cameron debacle, to cases failing through lack of evidence and poorly scripted law.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Well, I believe we have the structures in place to create an inverse honours system. The general public can raise matters of constitutional discord via the Parliamentary petitions portal. Currently if a petition reaches 10,000 signatures the Government will respond to the matter, whilst 100,000 will trigger a debate in Parliament. Taking the last figure, a ‘public stench’ could then be considered by a public jury, consistent with the criminal justice system.
I would suggest that a professional bias be incorporated within the jury selection process in that only parents qualify. All parents have noses delicately attuned to smelling out a dirty nappy from a reasonable distance thus public office bullshit would be easily detected even if documentary evidence is lightweight. All participants would have the right of audience in the form of a Tweet, without any attachments. A solitary meme would be acceptable too.
Once the jury had reached an affirmative decision then the title would be bestowed in the form of ‘The dishonourable Shit [insert name] or alternatively, ‘The dishonourable Shitess’. These peerages would be lifetime dishonours.
Mark Twain once remarked, “Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.”
Yet with my suggested protocol I think we can, once and for all, clean up politics for good.
I’m off to whitewash a fence …
© Ian Kirke 2021
Title photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash