What should we talk about today?
The world according to Kirkey
Leaving base camp at a little after 8am, the train journey north from Reading would traverse to Birmingham New Street, then up to Leeds, and finally across to the promised land: Bradford. As a southern-based Notts County season ticket holder, I guess I could class most fixtures – in terms of distance ─ as away … Read more
I’m old enough to be unable to remember what it felt like to be me as a child. Sure I can recall events, but my perception of the world as a kid has ebbed away over the passage of time. My ability to experience utter wonderment, pure emotion, naivety, and steely selfishness have been tempered … Read more
A not so long time ago, in the Milky Way galaxy, I once had some pretty far, far away thoughts. Apologies to all Star Wars aficionados out there for my clumsy corruption of the opening sequence, but in keeping with one of the principal characters, I used to look like Chewbacca: hair fucking everywhere. My … Read more
Eyes closed, deep breathing punctuated by a regular groan of ultimate pleasure, and a feeling of real ecstasy. I could suffer this pleasure for eternity. Ooh ─ a virgin piece of skin – keep going! During this special, intimate, time I don’t have a care in the world, and the wish to be reincarnated as … Read more
The Book of Mormon engages with the terrains of disinformation, religious ideology, and hope; influences that affect everyone, but most just doff their hats in the general direction and conveniently shuffle away. Intertwined with female genital mutilation, dysentery and fucking frogs, the show manages to be both hilarious and powerfully thought-provoking. Sticking a finger up … Read more
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s … Read more
Sitting minding my own business, drinking a cuppa, the general hubbub of Starbucks was occasionally perforated by the shrill call of a name: “Oscar!” then another, “Sherlock!” and finally, “Hugo!” I was, on one hand, glad that my own kids have grown up and left home, but on the other, I was perplexed. This group … Read more
I awoke this morning dog tired; I had tried counting sheep, but I have to admit I’m no night owl. I wasn’t feeling a hundred percent but thankfully I wasn’t as sick as a parrot. Looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror – as bald as a coot ─ I nonetheless thought I looked … Read more
For a few nights following the ‘event’ I had fractured sleep and felt an all-consuming miserable malaise take hold of me which I simply couldn’t shake off. Not even the plethora of well-meaning words of wisdom from those around me moved me into the light of positivity. The gut-wrenching scream of twisting metal whilst simultaneously … Read more
I am not by any stretch of the imagination a petrol head. I have never attempted to change the oil, replace an air filter, and I always fuck up a windscreen wiper blade change, although to be fair I once swapped a set of spark plugs and have changed a couple of wheels in my … Read more