What should we talk about today?
The world according to Kirkey
There’s a moment—right after I’ve signed the paperwork, shaken hands with a man called Gareth who smells faintly of dealership coffee, and slid into the cockpit of my brand new pride and joy—where I genuinely believe I’ve cracked life. The cabin is immaculate. The plastics are unmolested. The carpets are virginal. The smell is so … Read more
A Kirkeytalk enquiry into our impending doom, Moonpig cards, and Huddersfield Town parking logistics. Some commentators insist Artificial Intelligence (AI) is about to sweep across the planet like a digital plague, leaving humanity redundant, purposeless, and possibly extinct. If you’re struggling to imagine this dystopian future, simply revisit James Cameron’s The Terminator — a film … Read more
Somewhere in the foggy labyrinth of my cultural upbringing — probably wedged between “don’t make a fuss” and “queue nicely” — I learnt the peculiar art of apologising for being the victim. Toe trodden on? Someone sloshes beer down my shirt? Shopping trolley shunted into my spine with the force of a minor earthquake? The … Read more
Catching up with my old mucker John, he casually dropped a bombshell: apparently we feature in David Davies’ autobiographical romp FA Confidential: Sex, Drugs and Penalties. The Inside Story of English Football. Henry Winter’s review in The Daily Telegraph retells Davies’ version – a late night knock at his Burnham Beeches hotel door during Euro … Read more
The last leg of my walk was a greatest hits album of Bracknell absurdity: burglars with bin bags, missing false teeth, Harry Potter film sets, and a showdown with a bloke known as “Half a Thumb.” But tucked between the madness were the moments that mattered — the ones that stitched my life together. One … Read more
When I walked into COSTCO the other day I wasn’t expecting an epiphany. But then the LEGO World Cup edition tipped me over the edge. Firstly, it looked pretty ghastly – square bricks being used to create a rounded object is problematic from the get‑go – and secondly it spoke of an abandonment of what … Read more
If Part One was the warm up lap, this is where the memories start sprinting. Bracknell in the 80s wasn’t just a place — it was a full contact sport. Robberies, dodgy motors, youth clubs, blasting The Specials, and me trying to look competent in a Vauxhall Chevette that handled like a shopping trolley with … Read more
Some towns never really let you go. Bracknell is one of mine. I left it, returned to it, loved in it, worked in it, and lost in it. I went for a stroll around Bracknell then like a budget Forrest Gump I kept on going – well at least for 9 miles. What propelled me … Read more
In my later years I’ve become a seasoned crier – not just at football, but in the full, messy, human sprawl of life. Films, family moments, unexpected kindness, the odd existential wobble… they can all set me off. Sure, I’ve shed a tear or two at matches over the years, but I’m not the sort … Read more
Valentine’s Day has always been a date that mocks me with the precision of a well timed counterattack. While the rest of the nation drapes itself in roses, chocolates, and the sort of performative affection that would make even Casanova roll his eyes, I find myself preparing for a very different kind of emotional ordeal: … Read more