The world according to Kirkey
As a cop there were some delicious moments when I left the claustrophobic confines of an interview room and punched the air in triumph! Unfortunately these were rare, since the vast majority of these exchanges – made by fictional television adaptations to feel unnaturally compelling and characteristic of good prevailing over bad ─ followed a … Read more
For a few nights following the ‘event’ I had fractured sleep and felt an all-consuming miserable malaise take hold of me which I simply couldn’t shake off. Not even the plethora of well-meaning words of wisdom from those around me moved me into the light of positivity. The gut-wrenching scream of twisting metal whilst simultaneously … Read more
Robbie Williams XXV Tour: Resorts World, Birmingham, Sunday 17th October 2022. Robbie Williams erupted over the packed arena like a 21-gun salute of Moët champagne corks with “Hey Wow Yeah Yeah” before delivering the money-shot number “Let Me Entertain You.” Had this been a lover, I would simply have pulled the covers up and lit … Read more
I am not by any stretch of the imagination a petrol head. I have never attempted to change the oil, replace an air filter, and I always fuck up a windscreen wiper blade change, although to be fair I once swapped a set of spark plugs and have changed a couple of wheels in my … Read more
The inevitability of death is – thankfully for most of us – a subject that we rarely give much thought to as we go about our daily lives. There are, of course, important exceptions. Those souls with a life-limiting prognosis, those that choose to end their lives prematurely, and perhaps folk in the final season … Read more
I vividly recall, as a young cop, being locked in a police cell in Bracknell police station. The prank was orchestrated by a couple of the shift elders and was part and parcel of the rituals of being accepted into the fold. Scaring new recruits shitless was a 1980s tradition that typified the slow transition … Read more
My first contact with the vagina was by way of a remote viewing. A mate excitedly explained that he had found a stash of discarded “nudie books” in a ditch proximate to a local lorry park. Aged twelve, my curiosity ─ coupled with pulsing pre-pubescent itches ─ made the thought of seeing a naked woman … Read more
Swearing my oath of allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II all those years ago was, at the time, a purely symbolic act; the rite of passage into my previous career as a cop. At the conclusion of this pledge I became a servant of the Crown. This heavyweight commitment was memorable for a unique … Read more
The philosophy of identity has been the subject of unceasing debate since the origin of humankind. If you are so minded, you can read the classical scholarly accounts, including the marathon poem ‘The Odyssey,’ understood to have been penned by Homer around the eighth century BC, which, amongst other things, connects with the notion of … Read more
A part of what it is to be British died today. I will miss her. © Ian Kirke 2022 & title photograph @ianjkirke