My personal pathway to pornography was – I guess – progressive, in as much as my first contact or event involved a relatively tranquil take-off ─ flicking through the pages of a well-thumbed and discarded magazine in a local lorry park, aged around twelve, with my mate Alan.
This experience was somewhat delicate when compared with routes to erotica nowadays that land without warning in more hardcore territory. Early glimpses of the flesh via this glossy-paged medium continued sporadically during my teens, facilitated primarily by my dad’s poorly hidden copies of lighter porn located in his wardrobe, under his folded jumpers.
On entering the rat race at nineteen as a police officer, this stable state of affairs experienced substantial turbulence when, as an occupant of single quarters (directly above the police station), I was introduced to the porn video. Now ancient technology, this wonder nonetheless elevated me to the premiership of porn. “Anal Hareem” left little to the imagination and so impressed was I with the almost Shakespearean lotharios that I considered a career change to that of stunt cock. I was turned on, horny, and gagging for more. As a naive lover, in the early stages of my sexual development, porn was – in my eyes at least – aspirational, if not educational. The darker side of its explicit links to exploitation and criminal deviancy didn’t enter my consciousness until much later in my life. Nevertheless, I couldn’t deny the erotic pleasure that viewing porn gave me, and many others, since it was standing room only in the cramped lounge while we eagerly ticked off many other premieres – some from high street vendors, but more often than not, seized exhibits. Those who were erect (standing) and those sitting (also erect) had one thing in common – we were all men.
As the years passed, porn became even more accessible to me by means of personal computers, and latterly, mobile technology; however, I didn’t really grasp the exclusionary nature of what I was viewing. Men aren’t the only ones turned on by erotica. Throughout human history there are many examples of the lust of women for libido stimulation. Saint Mary of Egypt (A.D. 344–421), who began working as a prostitute aged twelve, acknowledged her ravenous appetite for erotic sex. Titillating dancer Margaretha Zelle (1876-1917), better known as Mata Hari, turned her erotic desires into a healthy business opportunity. In more recent times, Anna Ilona Staller was elected to the Italian parliament in 1987 after a career as a leading porn star. During political debate, she often invited despicable despots to share her assets in return for denouncing their tyranny. As if to underline the historical concept, the British Museum houses one of the largest collections of erotic literature in the world.
However, the mainstream heterosexual material I was feasting upon was – on rude reflection – geared towards the male audience. The dominant actors were invariably male and the money shot was the concluding erotic eruption from the owner’s member. The fact that women may enjoy observing porn had entered my head, but the ability to progress this line of journalistic enquiry appeared too wide a margin to cross, without – I pondered – being labelled some sort of pervert. Having said that, my admission that I look at porn may already have branded me by some with that trademark. However, I reassured myself that not everyone shared this view, as I reflected on the halcyon days in single quarters where nobody ever walked out in disgust. My opportunity to explore the female view on porn arrived in the most obvious of places – a Chapel in West London on a pleasant February evening.
The premiere of “Grief Encounter,” staring Eva Oh in the lead role, brought together two distinct hemispheres – mourning and kink – that I had hitherto not considered likely to collide, let alone encourage the creation of a porn movie. Even more spectacular was the target audience: women. I had met Eva in June 2022 when I interviewed her for a truly enlightening piece on bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism ─ colloquially referred to as BDSM. This film production didn’t connect with this genre, although its exploration of erotic fantasy within the niche of loss was – as far as my porn heritage allowed – totally unique. As the end credits rolled, I was keen to speak to writer and director Kitty Drake.
The footings of this filmic fantasy developed after a chance conversation she had with a funeral director, reflecting upon a curious facet of memorials; outside of immediate family members there were friends, often comprising of close and more distant acquaintances. The undertaker contended that those on the peripheries were often more affected by eulogies ─ a personal and uninterrupted moment to reflect upon their own lives and what they had yet to achieve. Opportunities missed. Risk averted. Chances lost; very often culminating in an epic desire to grab life by the horns before they too were ultimately mourned. According to this director of death, sexual energy between these actors was often palpable. This germ of an idea was developed by Kitty and the production simply grew from these optics.
Contrary to many porn films I have seen, this mini-movie had two distinct facets: a compelling storyline, and not a vivid male climax in sight. Both – as Kitty explained – were determined by the intended feminine market reach.
Research published in 2020 by Athanasia Daskalopoulou ─ University of Liverpool Management School, UK – and Maria Carolina Zanette ─ NEOMA Business School, France, and rather pragmatically titled, “Women’s Consumption of Pornography: Pleasure, Contestation, and Empowerment,” sought to understand the role of pornography in the construction of female sexuality. Interviewing twenty-seven women with a variety of sexual orientations, they concluded that viewing porn is empowering for women.
Respondents acknowledged that porn very often promoted male-controlled sexuality, but nonetheless they were able to use it in order to reach a state of pleasure and excellence within sexual acts. Furthermore, the study revealed that women use pornography in different ways: to exercise fantasy, for sexual gratification – both independently and with a sex partner ─ and for learning how to give and achieve pleasure. But perhaps the most curious discovery was that women enjoy hardcore categories too, although those visual tastes are often quite different from real-life sexual preferences.
I was keen to cast the net further across the ocean of social media, and I deliberately asked female friends to engage in the debate. I was obviously curious, but mostly at the thought of discovering whether women share my fantasy fundamentals. Flashing my post graduate research credentials, I asked them what buttons – if any – they pressed and ultimately what lustful lights were lit?
All of the respondents had viewed porn, with a tad over half viewing it on a regular basis. Nearly eighty percent were of the opinion that mainstream erotica was produced for a male audience, whilst the rest concluded that generally the material they viewed was for mixed viewing. The most compelling statistic was the conclusion that no one had witnessed an offering for female viewers only.
In terms of motivation to watch porn the general viewpoint was typified by these candid responses: “Often a desire to orgasm and subsequently sleep,” “Sometimes I’m just horny and it helps me fantasise to orgasm,” “Being in the mood when I’m on my own,” and, “I like the idea of role-playing… and a little excitement doesn’t hurt anyone.” The rest eagerly cited degrees of glorious horniness.
Turning to what porn does for my cohort of carnal connoisseurs this elicited a lustful list:
“Helps me imagine fantasies. Turns me on. Leads to multiple scenarios.”
“Intrigues me; so many thoughts, like what do the models really think of each other, how much preparation goes into scenes, how is that anatomically possible, are their personal sex lives more vanilla.”
“Creates a visual scenario to enable an orgasm.”
“Sparks my imagination.”
“The feeling of accessing something most people see as taboo.”
“Helps arouse me for further play.”
And my personal favourite since it did chime with me:
“Gives me relief!”
When quizzed about an appetite for porn produced specifically with women watchers in mind, north of eighty percent rattled their popcorn in approval. But what formula was preferred by my female friends?
Unlike – in my humble opinion – the mountain of mainstream productions I’ve seen, the discerning dames desired sensual activity with a storyline – Kitty take a bow! Girl on girl action was ranked pretty high, albeit a smaller proportion still preferred to see a money shot. Multiple and attractive actors scored the least. Perhaps I still have a shot at making it in the movies?
An interesting disclosure was that sixty percent of those in relationships had discussed their porn viewing habits with their partners, leaving me to question how many men would dare do the same? Three quarters discussed their predilection for porn with their female friends.
In wrapping up the feminine position, the following revelation brought the strands of erotica to an exciting conclusion, “Porn isn’t a dirty secret. It’s a taboo subject for many but it can be part of a healthy, loving sexual relationship too. In years gone by my partner and I watched together. It can, however, suggest unrealistic expectations! But in watching porn you can imagine scenarios you’d never actually engage in, but love to watch!” On a more specific point one carefree contributor paid special attention to the male organ, “Watching blow jobs is the most boring bit of porn.”
As I bring this enquiry to a climax, the observations of authors Wendy McElroy and Erica Jong help frame this particular narrative of naughtiness. The former asserts in her classic “XXX: A Woman’s Right to Pornography,” that porn can serve to benefit the feminist movement and promote sexual freedom for women, whilst the latter contends that timing is everything, “My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.”
© Ian Kirke 2023
Title Photograph by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
@ianjkirke