The world according to Kirkey
When I joined the police in 1982, we were issued a truncheon – a lump of wood so archaic it felt like a relic from the Crimean War. As a tool of personal protection, it was about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. The version handed to my female colleagues was even more … Read more
Since the dawn of consciousness, humanity has wrestled with one question more than any other: What is the meaning of life? Philosophers have pondered it, poets have wept over it, and pub philosophers have debated it between sips of lukewarm lager. From Plato’s cave to Camus’ absurdity, from Nietzsche’s will to power to Sartre’s existential … Read more
Being accused of forgetfulness, especially as I am forced by dint of nature to accept the onset of adulthood, can be worrying. And as much as I may rebel by simply categorising the data I don’t recall as trivia, the associated accusations of either being uninterested, “you don’t listen,” or idiotic “I’ve told you that … Read more
There’s something irresistibly paradoxical about Poole Pirates. In a sport built on speed, chaos, and heroism, they’ve mastered the art of stillness – of sustained success that feels almost certain. Year after year, while other clubs flail in the dust of reinvention, Poole simply win. Not necessarily always with swagger, but with the quiet efficiency … Read more
As an ex-cop I find many police dramas mildly irritating. It’s normally the process issues that make my teeth grind, such as a uniformed officer standing guard at the interview room door as the heroic plain clothed detectives place the hapless suspect in checkmate. With custody alarms readily available to summon assistance this waste of … Read more
I’ve reached the season of life where 60th birthdays are no longer rare, and work reunions carry the silent weight of those who will never attend again. The next twenty years—if I’m fortunate—are my golden age. If I can sidestep the big C and keep my mind sharp, I know time will still gently erode … Read more
Looking good at my age—especially since I took the radical step of shaving off all my hair—is no easy feat. The old clichés of having a face fit for radio and one only a mother could love remain painfully accurate descriptors of my public-facing façade. Being bald somewhat limits my ability to reinvent my appearance, … Read more
I didn’t go to Canada to find myself. I went to escape people, dodge group tours, and maybe glimpse a bear. What I found instead—between the skeletal trees of Jasper and the turquoise hush of Lake Louise—was a quiet confrontation with nature’s scale and my own smallness. Canada didn’t just offer wilderness. It offered a … Read more
Just For One Day reminded me how lucky I was to live through the 80s. Bob Geldof may have his critics, but he did two things brilliantly: He mobilised the music industry to supercharge aid for Ethiopia’s most vulnerable. And he glorified my favourite word—though he never actually said, “Give us your fucking money!” It … Read more
I never imagined that a complimentary cup of tea at John Lewis and a free cinema ticket from Sky would spark such a profound shift in perspective. Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale wasn’t my choice. On the surface, it embodied everything I recoil from—entrenched privilege, inherited power, and the polished veneer of inequality. And yet, … Read more