The world according to Kirkey
There remains a degree of uncertainty over who the following words are attributable to, although being long gone I am sure that none of the ancestors of Benjamin Franklin, in a letter written in 1789 about the American Constitution, or Christopher Bullock, in his novel The Cobler of Preston (1716) or indeed Edward Ward, in … Read more
As a rookie cop there were many times when I felt vulnerable. Pub fights, large scale public disorder and high-speed pursuits were the usual suspects. The first couple of events rarely had any rules and I was always mindful that an errant punch could deprive me of my prominent, but nonetheless cherished, front teeth. Having … Read more
On March 23rd, 2020 a relatively redundant word, save outside of the confines of high-security prisons, became mainstream: Lockdown. This new phenomenon led the majority of the sixty-seven million inhabitants of the United Kingdom to self-isolate at home to mitigate the ravages of the COVID-19 pandemic. Many businesses went into stasis and an anxious resignation … Read more
I cried the other night. Nothing unusual in that other than it was at the end of a predictable rom-com whilst sitting in the lounge only forty-eight hours after I had become teary over a song that I had played on YouTube whilst shaving. At 57 I appear to have become a serial blubber probably … Read more
According to the font of all knowledge (Google) on average men feel their balls seven times a day. At least I can be reassured that I am above average in this particular field. Indeed, touching them thousands of miles away from home led to a change in lifestyle that I think may possibly have added … Read more
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s … Read more
I am Gok Wan’s alter ego. If his utterly stupendous fashion sense is North I am South. Where he burns I freeze. Thus, without M&S I guess I would have to resort to wrapping myself in a refuse sack. I am also tight. Vouchercloud is my primary App and my wallet bursts with store discount … Read more
Sometime in my youth I recall my parents commenting about their exact whereabouts when President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on 22nd November 1963. This narrative was meaningless to me until I witnessed the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States of America. This chapter of World history unfolded on the TV as … Read more
I am a great advocate of the word Fuck. Its versatility is pretty much limitless. Both a verb and a noun. An expression of elation and disappointment. A call to action and a decision to sit it out. Having been endowed with the rather fanciful title of post-graduate professional researcher at a leading UK University … Read more
Selfishness is a human trait which quite rightly draws justified criticism, especially if it becomes a dominant trait. Where our egocentric pendulum swings and eventually comes to rest is often fluid and is undeniably influenced by our environment and those around us. When I reflect upon the Oscar Wilde quote, “Selfishness is not living as … Read more