What should we talk about today?
The world according to Kirkey
Valentine’s Day has always been a date that mocks me with the precision of a well timed counterattack. While the rest of the nation drapes itself in roses, chocolates, and the sort of performative affection that would make even Casanova roll his eyes, I find myself preparing for a very different kind of emotional ordeal: … Read more
When I joined the police in 1982, we were issued a truncheon – a lump of wood so archaic it felt like a relic from the Crimean War. As a tool of personal protection, it was about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. The version handed to my female colleagues was even more … Read more
Since the dawn of consciousness, humanity has wrestled with one question more than any other: What is the meaning of life? Philosophers have pondered it, poets have wept over it, and pub philosophers have debated it between sips of lukewarm lager. From Plato’s cave to Camus’ absurdity, from Nietzsche’s will to power to Sartre’s existential … Read more
As an ex-cop I find many police dramas mildly irritating. It’s normally the process issues that make my teeth grind, such as a uniformed officer standing guard at the interview room door as the heroic plain clothed detectives place the hapless suspect in checkmate. With custody alarms readily available to summon assistance this waste of … Read more
Looking good at my age—especially since I took the radical step of shaving off all my hair—is no easy feat. The old clichés of having a face fit for radio and one only a mother could love remain painfully accurate descriptors of my public-facing façade. Being bald somewhat limits my ability to reinvent my appearance, … Read more
Storytelling has been a feature of my life. I wrote this piece in 1991 (typed by my late wife Theresa in the typing pool at Bracknell Police Station) but only recently rediscovered it whilst clearing out the attic. A true account – embellished for comedic value – that recounts a period of my life lost … Read more
My mind is usually in a state of chaos with thoughts – both abstract and defined – fighting for supremacy. At one end of the continuum, daydreaming can be therapeutic and provides the space for creativity and imagination to enthrall and entertain. At the extreme, I can indulge in over thinking. Wherever the cognitive dial … Read more
Is the local Wetherspoons the real community hub where the human condition is fed and watered? Whenever I consider matters of a fiscal nature, value for money is always a significant driving force. Being born in the 60s, I have inherited the values of my parents which instilled the notion of financial probity. Moreover, I … Read more
I was recently scolded for my seemingly persistent use of the double entendre on social media. My guilt is overwhelming, with my allegiance to the “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” approach of comedy undeniable – a humorous expression used to imply a hidden or suggestive meaning without stating it directly has become my primary route to … Read more
The UK weather in early January is usually equivalent to wintertime in Siberia, especially the coastal regions where the wind-chill factor can scare off the most robust of brass monkeys. So why on earth had I decided to embark upon the epic trek up to the Northeast Lincolnshire seaside resort of Cleethorpes? Membership of the … Read more